Friday, December 09, 2005
Deep down, i knoe i have never been realli
happy.
I dunno wat i'm doing wif my
life. Struggling through uni... Wif no
aim whatsoever. Wif no idea of wat to do in future... I feel like i'm
wandering around alone, aimlessly... And it
scares me.
A fren
X asked me wat i intend to do when i graduate. I gave a sheepish smile and shrugged my shoulders. She then went on and on about her
great ambitions, how she intends to save up and set up her own business...
"C'mon, we r in business, so of coz we must set up our own business when we graduate rite? Or else enter into this course for wat?"
Good pt. So
y am i in business? I entered into this course without
any inkling of wat it'll be like, coz it was not my 1st choice. I actualli tot the lessons will teach us ways to run a company!
Wat will i be doing after
graduation? F**k, how wld i knoe! I dun even knoe if i can make it past next year, wif a hectic 2nd semester coming up, and my
final year starting in July. Juz the thought of
FYP (final year project) and
PA (professional attachment, which will take place between May to July next year) is enuff to make me
faint.
X continued to ask me if i have decided which company to do my PA in. I replied, saying that i'm actualli waiting for them to allocate the company to me, as i've no wish to compete wif others to enter into those
top MNCs (multi-national companies). I'll be
contented to work in some
SME (small & medium enterprise) company. Besides, i can't write good cover letters (i suck in such formal letters remember?), and i wun make it past the
interviews even if i'm selected.
X frowned. She went on to advise us that we must choose our PA company carefully, as we may be joining that particular company after graduation. (Yeah i
knoe that.) Told us about how her fren hopes to work in
P&G, which is like one of the
hottest MNCs that most marketing students wanna join... She then carried on to sae that she wld not choose to work in an MNC, coz she feels that she wun learn much there.
X is
not an 'exceptional' case. Most of my coursemates and classmates r juz like her, they knoe
wat they r doing, they knoe
where they r heading. Whenever i hear such ppl ard me going on and on about how their future is going to be etc, i always think y am i so stupid, so
useless... Y am i the
onli one who is so unsure about everything? I'm an undergrad juz like them rite? So y am i so
different from them?
Sometimes i feel that i'm still a
naive young girl after all. Perhaps i stopped
growing since i was 14. Or 15. And guess wat, this naive girl is going to turn
21 next year.
This song suits my current mood: S.H.E - "Bu Xiang Zhang Da"
P.S: A fren of a fren juz passed away tonite. Bike accident. (My condolences.) My fren is feeling veri lost now. Told me how so many ppl out there dunno wat they want and wat they r doing... But this fren had been working towards his dreams, his goals... Hai... And me, juz wat am i doing wif my own life??
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